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  1. #1
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Serious family matter...what to do

    Hi ladies, I just want to ask your opinions on what you would do given the same situation I'm in...

    Over a couple of months ago I found out I've got an illegitimate brother (19 y.o.) and an illegitimate siter (9 y.o.) by my dad, it shook me but wasn't a surprise as I've always had this gut feeling that my dad has kids other than us.... I'm 24 and my bro is 14 so, these 2 illegitimate sibs I have were born after me and while my dad is with my mum...

    I never thought that I would confirm it to be true though whats weird is that my dad has always been there for us and I never thought we had problems or whatever, and then the little girl messaged me (apparently my dad told her where to contact me so obviously he wants me to find out about them...)and said she's my sister, I was shocked, and whats more was that she had an older bro, so I asked her when they see my dad and all, and they said everyday and they know a lot about us which goes to say that my dad tells them about us and that they know they're illegitimate. My dh said she just seems like she wants to get to know me, after all she's only 9...

    I stopped answering her messages because I feel guilty that I know this and haven't told my mum, this is for the reason that they are overseas and I want to talk to my dad first before saying anything to my mum. My mum and I are very close and I remember her saying before that she wouldn't be surprised if some kids claim to be my dad's, there's nothing we can do really cos we can't just return them to where they came from, KWIM....

    It's been eating me inside and my DH said to just not worry about it, but I want to tell my mum... thats why I'm torn... what would you's do?

  2. #2
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Before I answer... Are your parents still together?
    Thinking of...
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  3. #3
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by Maeveyblue View Post
    Before I answer... Are your parents still together?
    ^^^yea they are

  4. #4
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    WOW! I am sooo sorry that you are having to deal with this especially while you are pregnant!!:hug:

    I don't really know what to say but I would talk to you father ASAP! Have you talked to him since you found out all of this??
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    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    ^^^I have spoken to him but just casual conversation you know, I can't bring myself to say that I know... Not over the phone. I would rather talk to him in person but we're not going till next year...

  6. #6
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Okay, if your parents are still together I would call your father, I would tell him that it was horrible what he did and that if he hasn't told your mom about the relationship and the kids, he better because you aren't going to be his lifeline on this.
    And then I would stay out of it. They need to work things out themselves.
    I would also tell your father that you have no interest in a relationship with the children or him until he has resolved this with your mom.
    And then stay true to that.
    He needs to own up and be a man about this.
    Wow. Are you sure this is really your dad and not a practical joke? Has he ever been abusive to your family in the past? Do your parents seem happy together?
    Thinking of...
    Chanel Black Jumbo
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  7. #7
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    ^^^I have spoken to him but just casual conversation you know, I can't bring myself to say that I know... Not over the phone. I would rather talk to him in person but we're not going till next year...
    Well I would call him ASAP!! This can't wait until next year!


    WOW! I am still in shock!!
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  8. #8
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    I'm afraid its not that easy maevey.... in our culture you can't really tell your parents off.... plus my parents seemed alright... my childhood has been happy and normal... but my dad isn't really the approachable type... he's very "guarded" before, but after I got married he sort of loosened up and now we've got a better relationship than we had when I was younger...

  9. #9
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by Zombiegirl View Post
    Well I would call him ASAP!! This can't wait until next year!


    WOW! I am still in shock!!
    yea it is a shocker... but what else can you do yea... My dad seems to want me to find out though, plus I've got an older sister that he had before my mum and him got together, I've met her though but we haven't kept in touch... she's in the US and I don't think she stayed in touch with my dad too....

    but my dad is a good man....

  10. #10
    Totally Purse Obsessed Arianne12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Wow, my sister's ex went through the same situation with his dad. But eventually his mum found out but she just accepted it. The dad still visits his other family but my sister's ex and his 3 sisters don't talk about "the other people" at all.

    But coming back to your situation. Definitely call your dad and seriously speak about this him ASAP! I understand in Asian culture, it's really hard to broach this type of subject. But tell him nicely and firmly that you are in a difficult situation. Don't tell him off. Ask him to tell the kids not to contact you unless he resolves this with your mum first and that you cannot keep this from her. Then, yes, let the other girls say, stay out of it and let them sort it out.

  11. #11
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    okay thanks ladies.... I'll talk to my DH too about your suggestions...

    also, I feel bad cos the little girl always messages me and asks why I haven't answered back, asking how I am, DS and DH...

  12. #12
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    juicyholicmum - If it makes you feel any better, I have a half-brother and half-sister out there somewhere that I have never met. I know their first names, but I don't know what their last names are now. My dad gave up his parental rights when they were little, so he doesn't have contact with them.

    As far as your situation goes, I say find out from your dad if your mom already knows. You never know, she could know. And just because your parents seem alright doesn't mean they aren't having or have had problems. Believe me, parents can hide their marital problems EXTREMELY well from their children... even when their children have grown up. So yeah, call your dad ASAP and have a little chat with him. Don't worry, everything will turn out fine.

  13. #13
    Moderator/Blogger VivaLaJuicy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Talk to your father first... and then let your mother know whats going on... Its tough, but hang on...

  14. #14
    \(^.^)/ Jennifer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    Oh goodness, this sounds like an awful situation. i agree with everyone above me.. you should first talk to your dad..

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Serious family matter...what to do

    oh juicy, i'm sorry you're going through this!

    sorry i've been sort of MIA from TBF for a while, i just want you to know that we are all here for you. i can't imagine what it must be like for you but just be strong (which you are already doing) and yes, definitely talk to your dad about it and see if your mom knows. it just seems sort of selfish that he would just give his other children details about you including your personal cell phone without saying anything to you first... i just can't imagine how he could hide seeing them on a daily basis from you. and, is he still seeing the woman (their mother)?

    anyway... will be thinking of you!
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