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  1. #1
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Sad What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    If someone just didn't care anymore and it was killing you in the process?


    Okay, well a couple weeks ago a good friend of mine's husband left her, took EVERYTHING he could (including the food in the fridge! ), and worst of all, their 3 kids! He did that because he's an abusive, controlling jerk, and because a few nights before she told him that she wanted a divorce. Honestly, their marriage was over a long time ago since a couple years ago he held her hostage (for lack of a better word) for an entire night with a shotgun and .22 gauge rifle!!! (Don't ask... I have no idea why she stayed with him after that, but she says it's because she "loved" him. I think it was more out of fear. ) But they somehow got past that, but things were getting pretty bad again. She NEVER thought he'd take the kids though! I'm their second child's Godmother so it hit me really hard...

    Anyways, I've been helping her out a lot with her divorce and custody paperwork, since she can't afford an attorney, and she filed the papers first but somehow the Domestic Violence paperwork was overlooked (even though it was stamped by the clerk and she got a court date), and so when he filed a DV temporary restraining order (TRO) against her , it went through! (He says for "neglect" but that is SO not true!) She was trying to get an attorney from the legal aid society, but because he got the DVTRO, she's no longer eligible.

    I know her husband, I've seen his true colors and he's a horrible manipulative S.O.B and I can only imagine what B.S. he's told those kids. When I served him with the divorce papers, he tried to tell me (in such a somber tone too... oh please!) that the children haven't even asked for their mother AT ALL whatsoever and that they were afraid of her... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I almost hit the floor (ok, maybe him) when he said that! All I could say was "How dare you?! I have been nothing but civil and respectful and I even apologized for having to serve you and you're going to sit there and LIE straight to my face??!!! I know for a fact that that is not true because even left with you, the children start screaming bloody murder for their mommy after about an hour or so, SO much that you called your wife to come home 'IMMEDIATELY' because 'her kids' were crying and you couldn't handle them! I WAS THERE with her a few of those times and you called on MY CELL PHONE, SO HOW DARE YOU LIE TO MY FACE!!! GOOD DAY, (his name)!" I just wanted to b*tch slap him!

    Since she got the TRO, it seems like she doesn't even want to bother doing anything about getting her kids back anymore. She is dating some new guy (HUGE mistake!) and she just doesn't seem to care. I'm the one doing everything as far as research and filling out the forms and getting sworn statements from witnesses and stuff like that, so I can't understand what her freaking problem is! The only things that I've asked her to do is tell me if the information I put on the documents were accurate, and to tell me about her memories. That's it! She refuses now to even do that, but at the same time she says she still cares. WTF??? (where's the "WTF?" smiley when you need it!!! )

    I don't know what to do, if anything at all. I just can't sit on my hands and watch her lose ANY chance to be in her children's lives (he's requesting NO joint custody and NO visitation), because that means that I wont be a part of my Goddaughter's life neither!

    Oh my... this rant was rather long... my bad! I guess it's just been eating at me. Sorry about that.

    Well, if any of you read this all the way through, any imput would be appreciated.

    TIA
    Last edited by daisydeadpetals; October 5th, 2008 at 06:35 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    Moderator/Blogger VivaLaJuicy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Wow... I don't understand why she's not putting effort into fighting for her kids... No offense but I don't feel for her... I feel for her children...

  3. #3
    nicole iheartmjnicole's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Well, I'm only 21, and my parents have been married my whole life, so I don't have much "knowledge" I guess you could say about this. But I think that it's really sad her children are probably so confused, and if he has abused her, has he abused the children? Maybe you could call social services just to make sure? As for her, I would talk to her and tell her that it is hurting you. Maybe she will go see a therapist, this is obviously a big problem that she just can't deal with or just doesn't want to deal with, and she should be. You have every right to be concerned and try to help her the best that you can. Other than that there really isn't anything that you can do. I would really stay away from him though, who knows what he can do!

  4. #4
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    OMG those poor kids!

    So it's only been 2 weeks and she is alreaady dating someone??
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  5. #5
    Totally Purse Obsessed Arianne12's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Yeah, is already dating after 2 weeks??

    I think you've done so much already and she really needs to step up and get switched on about getting her kids back. If she doesn't even try to make the effort, this could be used against her in court, I would think. Is she in denial or has she been so beaten down by her husband so much that she can't find the strength or is she looking to just cut off all ties from her past and start a new life. I can't imagine just giving up on my kids, if heaven forbid anything like that happens to me. I don't know how you can smack some sense into her? Does she want the kids? Can you get her family or other friends to help? Or social services? From a totally objective POV, do you think the kids would be better off with her husband or would he be abusive towards them as well? Poor kids!

  6. #6
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    OMG that's a pretty twisted story.... look luv, I don't mean to sound negative, but IMHO, if she wants her kids she'll do everything to get them back (I know I would given the situation) a mother would fight blood for blood for her children... if any convincing or talking to her hasn't worked then look, don't stress about it... I know you love your god daughter but what if she gets the kids back and realizes she doesn't want them anymore? You just don't know what's going to happen... You're a great friend for being so concerned but look, it's their family... in the long run they will be the one dealing with it.... KWIM....

  7. #7
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Yup she's already dating... and an a**hole at that!

    D*mn, what is she thinking? Grr...

    I appreciate everyone's feedback, but i can't just let it go... I really wish I could but it's become almost like an ulcer, eating at me.

    Physically, no, the father hasn't hurt the children ever, but emotionally, definitely. Especially that whole rifle incident, my goddaughter was only 1 month old but he put one of the guns right up to her little head (I read the police report) while she was in my friend's arms and all the while their oldest who was 5 at the time saw EVERYTHING!!! (Their son wasn't born yet at the time)

    I can't sleep, I can't eat, I don't know what to do with myself... This just sucks!

  8. #8
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Angry Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    He held a gun to the daughters head? WTH? And she stayed with him? Sounds like those children need to be in protective custody! ASAP!!

    There's no way in H*ll that anyone would hold a gun anywhere near one of my kids...
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  9. #9
    Rising Bag Star GirlieGirl86's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Quote Originally Posted by daisydeadpetals View Post
    Yup she's already dating... and an a**hole at that!

    D*mn, what is she thinking? Grr...

    I appreciate everyone's feedback, but i can't just let it go... I really wish I could but it's become almost like an ulcer, eating at me.

    Physically, no, the father hasn't hurt the children ever, but emotionally, definitely. Especially that whole rifle incident, my goddaughter was only 1 month old but he put one of the guns right up to her little head (I read the police report) while she was in my friend's arms and all the while their oldest who was 5 at the time saw EVERYTHING!!! (Their son wasn't born yet at the time)

    I can't sleep, I can't eat, I don't know what to do with myself... This just sucks!



    First off, Im sorry for the situation you're in. As for the kids you need to call social services! If he put the gun right up to the babys head, he is definately capable of going to the next step, God forbid that. As for your friend she might just want to block everything out and thats why she's recruiting to dating that new guy. You need to let her in on everything you're doing and make her take responsibility!!
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  10. #10
    Rising Bag Star andromeda-rose's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    It seems to me that those poor kids would be stuck in a bad environment with either parent. Your friend seems to be addicted to unhealthy relationships that probably goes back to unresolved emotional issues from what could be as far back as her childhood in which case common sense talk will not be able to reach her. Do you think her current BF is influencing her to not want her children with her anymore? If that is the case, getting them back may not be all that safer in the long run as long as he is around. The fact that she started this new relationship seems to show her inability to act rationally. Sad to say, unless there is cause for Child Protective Services to step in, it would be difficult to help them.

    Apart from maybe keeping a record of everytime you talk to your friend or the children, or even the husband, you cannot directly help the children.

    As for yourself, you need to take care of yourself too and watch what is going on in your life overall. I know this may sound odd but if you put aside what has happened with your friend, and concentrate with how you feel about this yourself, the stress symptoms you are having that you mentioned already, was there ever a time in your own past where you were under a stressful situation that might have felt similar? I've found that with many people, including myself, stressful situations tend to be repetitive. The "why does this always have to happen to me?" kind of thing. A sign that your life is trying to tell you something. I don't mean to pry but I thought it might encourage you to pay attention to your own well being as well as those in your "extended family".

  11. #11
    Totally Purse Obsessed Arianne12's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    He put a gun to his baby's head!!?? Then you need to get social services involved right now. Seems like both parties are deeply unstable and you're right, you can't just step away for the sake of the children. I mean, if there is a police report then the authorities can't possibly allow him to have custody of the kids let alone allow him be alone with them. Those kids need to be removed right now.

  12. #12
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    It happened 2 years ago and we really weren't as close of friends just yet. I'm sure the statute has run out on that anyways, and it was all because he stopped taking his meds (he's bi-polar). I know the kids should be removed, but that's the thing, if he was able to convince the judge for a DVTRO, he'd convince CPS too... and the way my friend is acting right now, it really won't take all that much convincing! But what gets me is the fact that she normally isn't like this AT ALL!!! She's NEVER acted like this before... EVER. I mean, she was always very passive but I've never seen her just give up on her kids! She's a GOOD mom... well she was... I just don't know what the hell she's thinking!

  13. #13
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    There is something more to this story. The fact that he put a gun to the infant's head, has a police record and was able to get a TRO against her? This doesn't make sense. She could have gone into the hearing with a legal aide, shown the court the police report and TRO that got misplaced and she would have gotten the TRO. She isn't telling you something. And the fact that she is now dating someone and has no interest in the kids.... well, she may be in denial, but so far she isn't looking good imo.

    If someone took my kids, I would fight to the death for them. Literally.
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  14. #14
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    Quote Originally Posted by daisydeadpetals View Post
    It happened 2 years ago and we really weren't as close of friends just yet. I'm sure the statute has run out on that anyways, and it was all because he stopped taking his meds (he's bi-polar). I know the kids should be removed, but that's the thing, if he was able to convince the judge for a DVTRO, he'd convince CPS too... and the way my friend is acting right now, it really won't take all that much convincing! But what gets me is the fact that she normally isn't like this AT ALL!!! She's NEVER acted like this before... EVER. I mean, she was always very passive but I've never seen her just give up on her kids! She's a GOOD mom... well she was... I just don't know what the hell she's thinking!
    Again, she has documentation, public documentation, to back this up. He wouldn't be able to convince CPS. Although some bipolars are incredible con artists because they are pathalogical liars and the lie becomes truth to them.
    Thinking of...
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  15. #15
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? (a pretty long rant...)

    No offense, and please don't hate me, but I really think that you should stay out of it. I understand that you love your goddaughter, but you getting involved in all the drama will probably just mean even more heartache for you.

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