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  1. #1
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Hi ladies,

    sorry if I'm going to pour this out on you again, I just have no one to turn to but DH, all my friends are overseas and so is my family... You guys are my only family too...

    Anyway, here's what happend, I emailed my MIL this morning to tell her about something she has been asking me and I've got my website posted on my signature, as so happens she clicked it and saw my bag collection and blogs.... So she emailed me saying that how can I afford these bags and that my priority should be my DH and my son, and that I'm putting myself first than them, and that my DH couldn't even afford new clothes and that makes them feel bad, that I put my luxuries first....

    I cried and felt really bad because God knows that my priority is my DH and my son, I afford these bags because I sell my things, and just one was bought by my DH for our anniversary he considers it a reward for giving up everything for them. I don't even buy new clothes because I want to buy my son whatever he wants... I always tell my DH to buy clothes when we're shopping, but he doesn't want to and we just end up arguing if I push him to do so.... God knows I try my best to please her, so she wouldn't say anything bad about me, but it's alwys the same story, no matter what happens, I'm always the bad cookie........ They don't realize how hard it is for me to be all alone here with no friends and family, dealing with my DH's gambling so he doesn't look bad to his parents (eventhough they know how his gambling is), and being 8 mos pregnant taking care of a 1 year old with no outlet whatsoever.... Sometimes I want to go back home... sometimes when something happens here, like say with the family, I can't even tell my parents about it cos my MIL doesn't want me to tell them anything.

    Sorry for whingeing to you's about my personal situation, I just don't have anyone to turn to really....

  2. #2
    The Bag Star sexyalisha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    My initial response to your MIL was "what a ... "

    But seriously, I wouldn't even let that faze me. You know what your priorities are so don't let anyone else make you think different. People like to gripe about things they have no idea about just for the heck of it, so ignore them! You take care of your husband and your family..so why the heck aren't you allowed to take care of yourself? And that fact that you sell your things to afford new ones makes the entire situation justifiable. I wouldn't sweat it. She's probably just trying to cause a stink because she doesn't have the fabulous taste you do!
    "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren

    Currently

  3. #3
    Totally Purse Obsessed Arianne12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Oh my goodness, Juicy. I feel so badly for you. Relationships with MILs sometimes are tricky. My relationship with my MIL is tinged with tension cause I just can't stand her dramatics but for the sake of keeping the peace, I just bite my tongue which is uncharacteristic of me. I've stopped trying to please her and just try to be civil.

    What did you say to her when she said these things to you? Did you mention this to DH? Perhaps he needs to explain to his mum the real situation because he's obviously supportive of you. She would be more willing to accept it from him. Also, your MIL has no right to tell you what you should or should not disclose to your own family back home. It is your perogative and if you're not getting the support from DH's family, you need to do whatever is beneficial to you.

    Don't worry about whingeing cause we are here for you. Hugs to you!!

  4. #4
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Try your best to just tune her out:lalala:, I know it's easier said than done but you know were all here for you whenever you need to vent. *BIG HUGS*:hug:

  5. #5
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    thanks ladies, I replied to her email and said sorry she feels this way and that I buy my bags from selling my old ones and I've had it even before I moved here, and she said that she knew my DH sends me allowance when I was overseas and that the $$$ I buy my bags with are still from my DH, and now she said that we're in debt because of my collection, and that family should be first once you're married....

    Look I know they're just advising us for what's best for us but IDK I can never please her, I try everything snd still its the same... She's nice when she wants to be but once she's set on making you feel bad she won't stop until you do.... I bite my tongue too and still protect my DH no matter what... One of the reasons were in debt is because when my DH blows the $$$ on his gambling, we use my CC's to pay for everyday necessities... ANd she said she doesn't believe that I sell my things to afford my bags... IDK I give up, I've been feeling so hurt and down, my DH said to leave it and don't worry about it as I know how she is, but I can't I still am affected. If I can only go back home I will. If not for my kids and DH I wouldn't stay here...

  6. #6
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    sometimes she jokes that my kids would turn up in her doorstep and say "mum hasn't fed us yet cos she's been on ebay".... it hurts my feelings bad because i won't do that to my kids, but i just laugh with her and pretend its funny....

  7. #7
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Wow, you have got a lot of strength to NOT snap at her! If I were you, all you'd hear is and and a whole lotta coming out of my mouth!!!

    But that's just me

    You have a lot more strength than you think!

    Hang in there! You know the truth and that's all that matters!

  8. #8
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    OUCH!!! That seriously is NOT funny!

    That's outright cold of her to "joke" about!!!

  9. #9
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    yea thanks ddp, its really difficult sometimes, but I think of my kids and my DH and I just know everything's going to be alright...

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    hey dear, i just saw this thread, but anyway you know what i said... i'm really sorry you have to deal with this and i think probably the hardest part is not having your family or close friends to talk to about this. even though your MIL doesn't want you to tell your parents i don't think it's her right to tell you not to speak to your parents about it. oh, Arianne already mentioned this. anyway i think it's important for you to be able to have that communication with your family, it will make you feel lots better.

    also i keep thinking that the reason she is acting this way towards you is because she knows deep down her son (your DH) also has a problem but she would rather turn a blind eye and make it seem that you are the one who has the problem. i know other parents who are this way. so don't take it too seriously... i know it stings.

    like i said, you, your DH, and your kids will know what the truth is about how you take care of your family, and whatever your MIL says might be out of spite or envy of something that you have and she doesn't. one way to put this to rest is to just avoid having any of those bags around when she comes to visit (i know she only saw them in your siggy but you know that saying "out of sight, out of mind") and maybe you can take down your collection website and put it somewhere else so she can't see it online?
    Wishlist: get out of debt

    so totally :banned2:


  11. #11
    Totally Purse Obsessed Arianne12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    i'm so sorry, but those are awful things to say to you.. to anyone! And you are very strong not to snap back at her. I don't even think it's a personal thing. it's almost the nature of the relationship of MIL and DIL that whatever you do, it's never good enough. My DH said that when our son grows up, I will think no girl will ever be good enough for him and it will always be HER fault and not my son's. Your MIL is rambling on cause she is no longer the main woman in your DH's life. Ignore, ignore and ignore! I know it's hard.

  12. #12
    ~♥~ Just Married ~♥~ daisydeadpetals's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Just take it out of your signature, that's where she saw it in the first place right?

  13. #13
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    yea that was what i was thinking..... whats hard is that whenever I buy something new or whatever I would have to worry about what she's going to say, I hate that feeling because my family never really does this to me.... Sometimes she'll go to me "you know what your mum is not happy with her life"... and i just go yea, yea ,yea eventhough it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it... She always thinks they are the only one who's got the perfect family....

  14. #14
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Quote Originally Posted by daisydeadpetals View Post
    Just take it out of your signature, that's where she saw it in the first place right?
    yea i did already.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Arianne12 View Post
    i'm so sorry, but those are awful things to say to you.. to anyone! And you are very strong not to snap back at her. I don't even think it's a personal thing. it's almost the nature of the relationship of MIL and DIL that whatever you do, it's never good enough. My DH said that when our son grows up, I will think no girl will ever be good enough for him and it will always be HER fault and not my son's. Your MIL is rambling on cause she is no longer the main woman in your DH's life. Ignore, ignore and ignore! I know it's hard.
    yea that was what my DH says too.... look I love my MIL, but sometimes I just can't stand how she changes her moods towards me.... some part of me just wants to fight back sometimes, but i hold back for the sake of my kids and my DH...... my DIL is the best though and I respect him to be able to put up with her sometimes....

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    not to hijack the thread but i have an offhand comment that hopefully will cheer you up a little:

    --Grey's Anatomy is starting in less than 2 weeks! (not sure if you guys watch it or not) and last season totally redeemed itself from the one before!

    my "in-law" story, my ex's cousin used to help take care of our son before he went to daycare, and she would say all these horrible things like "let's see who he comes to, you or me?" or "you have two mommies" (myself and her) or "does he cry at night when he doesn't see me"? and i got so aggravated because this is seriously borderline delusional (i think it stemmed from her not being able to have more kids), i think any woman would understand but my bf didn't understand at the time and he thought i was the one who was "trippin". so this caused a huge amount of tension between me and the bf, and me and his cousin for a period of time.

    just want you to know you're not alone and there are just some people out there who are weird!
    Wishlist: get out of debt

    so totally :banned2:


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