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  1. #31
    Official Bagista Jiezell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Awww...JHM I hope you feel better! :hug: Your MIL should not have said those hurtful things to you. I would try to block her out for awhile. All that matters is that you know that your family is the #1 priority. If she can't see that, then that's her problem. I wouldn't even bother to try to explain to her if she won't listen to you. In the end, everything will work out for the best! Feel better! Don't let her bring you down!

  2. #32
    \(^.^)/ Jennifer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Wow I just read this thread.. your MIL is insanely evil. omg, I am so sorry. Those comments she made are just plain rude and shouldn't have been said.

    I agree with daisydeadpetals, I would just try to tune her out.. and if that doesn't work, tell her to mind her own business. Because really, that lady needs to mind her own business


    :hug:

  3. #33
    A little eccentric warhols__muse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    thanks ladies, I replied to her email and said sorry she feels this way and that I buy my bags from selling my old ones and I've had it even before I moved here, and she said that she knew my DH sends me allowance when I was overseas and that the $$$ I buy my bags with are still from my DH, and now she said that we're in debt because of my collection, and that family should be first once you're married....

    Look I know they're just advising us for what's best for us but IDK I can never please her, I try everything snd still its the same... She's nice when she wants to be but once she's set on making you feel bad she won't stop until you do.... I bite my tongue too and still protect my DH no matter what... One of the reasons were in debt is because when my DH blows the $$$ on his gambling, we use my CC's to pay for everyday necessities... ANd she said she doesn't believe that I sell my things to afford my bags... IDK I give up, I've been feeling so hurt and down, my DH said to leave it and don't worry about it as I know how she is, but I can't I still am affected. If I can only go back home I will. If not for my kids and DH I wouldn't stay here...

    Please don't listen to her, she clearly doesn't care what your truth is. You sound like a great wife and mother ... her opinion is clearly trash, keep doing what you're doing. It's hard to tell a MIL what her son is really up to, and I know first hand experience (my mother was in that situation). Don't worry about her at all, she clearly doesn't know anything about your situation.

  4. #34
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    I just saw this thread and I didn't read through everything. I just wanted to let you know that I can see where your MIL is coming from. I'm not saying that she is right, I'm just saying that it is typical for a mother to feel that nobody will ever be "good enough" for their son/daughter. Look at my mom, for example. She does nothing but talk bad about my husband. And I understand why she feels that way because... well, quite frankly, dropping his classes and quitting his job doesn't exactly look good. But I still love him just the same and I really don't care as long as he can pay his cc bills (which I refuse to ever pay). So don't feel so bad about what your MIL says and realize that it is just part of being an overprotective mother. Just ignore her and vow never to do that to your son's wife when he grows up and gets married.

  5. #35
    Official Bagista gizmo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    I'm sorry you're feeling down. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by difficult situations, I look at it as a challenge, an opportunity for me to grow beyond who I am today. I hope you find a way to cope with your MIL and DH and figure out what's best for you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #36
    Ilovebags violaceous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    sometimes she jokes that my kids would turn up in her doorstep and say "mum hasn't fed us yet cos she's been on ebay".... it hurts my feelings bad because i won't do that to my kids, but i just laugh with her and pretend its funny....
    Wow, that is way wrong and completely uncalled for. You are a strong person for putting up with that without flipping out.

    This kinda reminds me of an ex's grandmother. His mom was a really sweet person, and his grandmother was an evil b**ch, who would make snide comments and jokes in a similar vein about his mom. I remember her saying messed up stuff and exchanging glances with his mom. (Aww, now I miss his mom. She was so awesome. I don't miss him, though) Anyway, I know she did it to me, but this is the only example I can think of ATM: My ex's younger sister (who was very young at the time and I overheard this convo) said something to his grandmother about how I was her friend, too, and that we never played with her and his grandmother's respose was, (verbatim) "Well, one day [ex's name] will get tired of playing with [me]." WTH?

    I hope other people's stories help, and I hope the dumb things that come out of your MIL's mouth stop:hug:.

  7. #37
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    ^^^ Agh! I didn't read that part! Geez... sounds like something my mom would say! LOL! Juicy, I'm sorry that she is making herself such a pain in your side. It's not fun to have to put up with rude comments from anyone. Like I said before though, you'll just have to try to ignore her. Shrugging her off as an overbearing mother might help you feel better and realize that it is not your fault, but hers.

  8. #38
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    thanks for all the support and comfort ladies I really appreciate it, my DH went over there yesterday to pick a couple of things up and she just went on and on, DIL said to just ignore her.... She just gets like that sometimes, everybody knows that but no matter how I ignore it or try to tune it out I still get hurt bad.... I'm very sensitive when it comes to my kids and DH because they're my world, and talk about hypocritic, when her sons spend on her she doesn't complain...

    Anyway I feel a lot better now but I hate having conflicts in the family... but my DH said not to stress as he knows the truth and that's all that matters.... I'm still down though but I'm getting better. Thanks again ladies

    ps- and oh, I replied to her email yesterday like really politely, nice and apologetic and apparently she told my DH it was so disrespectful of me to answer back..... (but if I don't reply she'll be mad that I ignored her... you can't win....)

  9. #39
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Quote Originally Posted by susieq View Post
    wow... can I ask how old you are? That sounds really tough and with the situation you're in, you're handling it very very well and I admire you for that!!

    I currently am living just out of state for my boyfriend - we are not married and have no babies - and I can tell you it's hard on me! I mean, I'm only a 45 minute plane ride from my friends and family and I can barely handle it. So really...you are doing something huge.

    Can I ask why you had to move for your DH? Does he have such an extraordinary occupation that you must stay where you currently are? I think it's very important for two people to agree on a middle ground - clearly you're not happy where you've living, you have no family/friend support and you're getting hassled by your MIL. He needs to see this and maybe you should both discuss the situation. You shouldn't have to defend yourself for purchases you make - however just make sure you can actually afford them.
    I am 24.... I know I got married young but thats because I found the love of my life,,, With the living arrangements, I really don't have much of a choice, when I met him he already lived here and I met him overseas, we were in a long distance relationship for quite awhile and then ended up that for us to be together permanently I have to move down here.... So I did...

    Quote Originally Posted by Zombiegirl View Post
    Ok She totally crossed the line here!!!




    Sorry JHM but this lady, (well she is not acting like a lady) ok woman, is WAY out of line. Personally I feel that it is NONE of her business!! You are a better person than I am because I would have already told her to keep her nose out of MY personal life! At least you buy things that are investments that you can sell later if you want or need to. What your husband is doing is far worse, not that this is a game and you are keeping score, but come on gambling?? She is one of those mothers that thinks her son does no wrong and that you are the one to blame!

    WE are here for you so feel free to vent any time you like! :hug:
    Thanks ZG!!! I totally appreciate your support.... and yea she is like one of those mums.

    Quote Originally Posted by serendipity View Post
    I can totally identify with you. My MIL is a drama Queen. She was always saying nasty and terrible things to me. Like, she is always "joking" around asking if my DH and I are getting a divorce. She has made it clear to me on several occasions that she would take my boys away from me if we ever did divorce because I don't work and I am a stay at home mom. It used to really bother me when she would put me down and say nasty hurtful things. But my DH knows how I feel. His mom doesn't like me and I don't really care for her. I have come to realize that she can feel how she wants because I know that I take care of my DH and my boys. I always put them before myself. We have been married for almost 12 years...Our anniversary is Sept 28th. There is no way anymore that I am going to let some woman who has a miserable life knock me down and make me feel bad any more. After 12 years of marriage, I have learned to really stick up for myself. Let me tell you, once I started sticking up for myself, she has really cut down on the insults...To my face anyway...I sure she still thinks I am a no good little witch that stole her son.
    I know how you feel. When I read what you wrote all the emotions I had toward my MIL came back to me. She does that because she doesn't want to face the fact that her son has a gambling problem and needs to focus her attention towards you. She has to place the problem somewhere. She really reminds me of my own MIL. If there is no drama or chaos in her life, she has to create it somewhere. I know my MIL is entitled to feel how ever she chooses to feel and I can choose to not let her get to me. It took me years to figure that out. Has you DH said anything to her about the way that you feel and that you don't appreciate being talked to that way or being made to feel that way? I agree with everyone that she has crossed the line and you know if you can take care of your DH and son you shouldn't have to defend yourself. In my opinion, what you buy is nobody business but yours and your DH. We have a saying in our home: Our house is like Vagas. What happens here stays here.
    Thanks for sharing this serendipity... My Dh can't really say anything to her cos the last time he did that she had a panic attack and started hyperventilating.... and I understand its hard for a son to see his mum that way... so we just keep quiet, that's what my DIL suggests as well...

    Quote Originally Posted by Maeveyblue View Post
    Sounds to me like your MIL needs a serious time-out.
    I would break contact with her for now and inform her that until she treats you better you will not be talking with her. End of story.
    Remember, you married him, not her. Although she is his mother, your don't owe her anything. People have to earn respect. They are not entitled to it just because they are family.
    On another note, the gambling is bad. This needs to be dealt with. Did you take any of the advice and open another account that he doesn't have access to?
    Quote Originally Posted by linvline View Post
    yeah, agree with Maeveyblue
    if you don't want your MIL chews on your back, then do something to get out from debt, so that she won't/can't have anything to say about your handbags or anything at all
    I think this is the best fight back you can do.
    thanks for your advice girls, I'm doing that after I give birth cos I'm naming the account after the kids...

  10. #40
    RM Ticked Off!
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    thanks for all the support and comfort ladies I really appreciate it, my DH went over there yesterday to pick a couple of things up and she just went on and on, DIL said to just ignore her.... She just gets like that sometimes, everybody knows that but no matter how I ignore it or try to tune it out I still get hurt bad.... I'm very sensitive when it comes to my kids and DH because they're my world, and talk about hypocritic, when her sons spend on her she doesn't complain...

    Anyway I feel a lot better now but I hate having conflicts in the family... but my DH said not to stress as he knows the truth and that's all that matters.... I'm still down though but I'm getting better. Thanks again ladies

    ps- and oh, I replied to her email yesterday like really politely, nice and apologetic and apparently she told my DH it was so disrespectful of me to answer back..... (but if I don't reply she'll be mad that I ignored her... you can't win....)

    yah just realize that is the way she is, and know that you did the right thing.
    Wishlist: get out of debt

    so totally :banned2:


  11. #41
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling really down, just need to vent out...

    thanks this1chick... maybe I'l just keep a bit of distance from her from now on, I haven't learned my lesson, this happend before and I didn't learn..

    DH said we might move a bit farther away from them...just to have a bit of space.... KWIM

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