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  1. #31
    The Resident Shopaholic susieq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    ahh thanks all. i'm going to take each day at a time. i have decided to not make any rash decisions until i find out where my next job will be. once that happens - i think it'll really mark the true feelings in our relationship. right now it's all talk. once that turns into action, i think a lot will pan out for me.

  2. #32
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    ^^^good on you susie and good luck... keep us posted ayt

  3. #33
    *Moderator* vuittongirlxoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    sorry i am posting so late, but i agree with what the girls have to say.

    i am not judgmental and i do not like to judge anyone until i've walked a mile in their shoes, which will never happen, but from what i've read you seem a very ambitious girl who would be okay in nyc or where ever living your life for your career independently.

    you've said that you are too young and that your bf is too old, but IMO, if you were in love that wouldn't matter. i am only 21 and i know that i want to marry my boyfriend. it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 40, if you know you want something, you just know.

    just because someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you, doesn't mean that you have to want to spend the rest of your life with them. you need to worry about you and what you want.

    the fact that you were able to go on vacation and have a great time and give someone your number and kiss them, just seems to me that where you are in your relationship with this person is not where you really want to be deep down in your heart.

    i don't think you should feel bad about breaking up with him. it is better to be honest with him and tell him that this just isn't working out for you and what you want then to lead him on if it's not what you want. if it is meant to happen and you are meant to be together, no matter where the two of you are, you will find ways to get back to each other.

    IMO, i think you need to let go and move on with your life and with your career. you shouldn't be unhappy or trapped in a relationship. spending time apart from him might also help you realize if you really want to be with him or not. the more time you spend away from each other, the more you will realize what it is that YOU want.

    best of luck with whatever you do. this can't be an easy decision.

    wishlist..
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  4. #34
    The Resident Shopaholic susieq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    thanks vuittongirl. i totally agree with you.

    my problem is this - i am trying to let him know i want the time apart but see we are currently at a very transitional period (which imho, is the best time to do this). i am looking to move out - he wants to move out with me. i want a new job - so does he. so when i mention that we should separate, he says "i don't want the reason for us breaking up to be because we are moving from here - i think we need to settle into the new place and then figure out how we feel".

    part of me agrees with that and the other part of me feels like he's trying to beat a dead horse. i can't really tell. i warned him that if we move and things don't work out, we can't blame each other for it. i am fine giving it a shot and seeing what happens because honestly - between my job and this location - i've fallen into a MAJOR depression (ie: no libido, i cry a lot, i just want to sleep, etc...)

    if i can make my way out of this depression, the air will clear and i will be able to think straight.

  5. #35
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    Quote Originally Posted by THE-GUY View Post
    Hmmm What would THE-GUY do....






    Seriously, As hard as it may be...I would come clean about the other guy. Just tell him it was a mistake and you want his forgiveness. If your "Love" is strong enough...You guys will get through it. I mean...Wouldnt you want him to tell you if he was in your position?? Also, If you have enough respect for him..you'd tell him IMHO.
    Guy you make a good point!! That is why we love having you as a member!!
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  6. #36
    The Resident Shopaholic susieq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    a note on Guy's suggestion - personally I wouldn't want him to tell me if he kissed another girl while we were dating. I think that while I would understand that people make mistakes - the knowledge of that would eat at me for a while. Ya know like even if I got over it - if we had a fight, I'm sure I'd bring it up just to use as "ammo".

  7. #37
    ♥'s RM Jess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    Ya know like even if I got over it - if we had a fight, I'm sure I'd bring it up just to use as "ammo".
    That would be a bad idea, lol. He would hate it even more.

  8. #38
    The Resident Shopaholic susieq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    im full of bad ideas. hahaha.

  9. #39
    Bag Fan Newbie
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    he would definitly hate that.really bad idea

  10. #40
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    What is the point of being in a relationship if it isn't 100%? At this point it seems like you are leading him on, which isn't fair. The reason you are in a depression could be because you know you need to do the right thing and break it off but are too scared to be on your own.

  11. #41
    Vintage Lover lilstrlett's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    If you can't be honest then what's the point in being in a relationship? You're lying to yourself, and him. If you cheat on someone it's a sign that you're not 100% in it. If you really loved him as much as you say you do, then you would have never done that. I think at this point you're just being selfish. You're sticking around because you're afraid something better won't come along. And if something better does, then you'll leave him.
    Mrs. Lawson
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  12. #42
    The Resident Shopaholic susieq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    i don't think at all i'm worried about not getting anything better. i don't mind being on my own and honestly - i don't have a hard time finding a guy at all. that's been the problem! i can't stay single. I have told my boyfriend many times that i just don't feel ready for a long term relationship and that i'm scared of it - but he is insistent on trying. plus - while i don't think i'm being selfish - logistically it's very difficult right now. we live together - things are complicated when you live together. about 90% of the furniture and everything in the place is mine, if i left, he'd be completely out of everything. plus he wouldn't be able to afford the rent on his own. so i don't think i'm being selfish - i'm trying to make sure there are no rational moves that could really screw either of us.

    plus my depression has been around for about a year now - between family members being sick, my terrible job situation and my own personal health - it's been really rough and i can't quite tell if i'm taking any of it out on him.

  13. #43
    Ilovebags violaceous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    Just reading this, and I agree with most of the advice people gave on here, except the part about telling him you cheated. To me, that's something best kept to yourself. All that will do is hurt him more. Reading on, I see you didn't tell him, and I think that's for the best.
    I dated someone for a two years who wanted to marry me (I was 19 and he was 20!). It was so hard to do, but I broke it off, because I was so unhappy and I just couldn't be in it anymore.
    You sound like you need time to be with yourself, not dating anyone. You need to be happy by yourself first. Besides, him not being supportive of you wanting to advance your career is a bad sign. Move to the city and don't worry about being with anyone for a while. Or fight off potential suitors. :D
    I hope everything works out.

  14. #44
    *Moderator* vuittongirlxoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    susie, i understand how you feel about not wanting to leave him hanging. i have been in a serious relationship for over 3 years now and he is my best friend. when you are with somebody that long not only is it romantic, but most of the time a close friendship is created. i think right now you don't need to break up with him, but maybe tell him that you need to take a step back while you figure out your own problems. like you said before, you need to be happy and content with yourself to be happy with somebody else.

    i really hope everything works out for you and i hope you can find a way out of your depression.

    wishlist..
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    .vernis alma mm in pomme d'amour
    .artsy mm
    .python galliera pm
    .monogram galliera pm

  15. #45
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Speaking of break-ups... I need help

    awww susie... i feel for you girl, i reckon like the other girls said, that you need time off for yourself, just you, no one else, to figure out what you want and get your life back on track. Your depression's probably affecting most of decisions so i think you should work out of it first... When you've found yourself (without a man) I reckon everything will fall into place...

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