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  1. #46
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    You need to step away and not talk to him at all for a while. Meaning a good month or so. Take that time to really focus on what you need out of life and not just a relationship.
    Thinking of...
    Chanel Black Jumbo
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    In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity."
    ~Einstein~

  2. #47
    Official Bagista gizmo's Avatar
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    Cool Re: How to get over breakups?

    That's exactly what I was thinking, maeveyblue, as I was reading the last few posts! Distance and time away from a person clears our mind (and emotions) in a way nothing else can. Marissa, take it from me, who has wasted not minutes, not hours, not days, not weeks, not months, but YEARS trying to get "un-confussed" about a guy, trying to figure out "why," making all the comparisons you're making, going over conversations 1,000 times, wanting a rational explanation.... No matter how much we think we know someone, our love or desire for them fools us into thinking that we know them more than we do. The truth is we cannot, ever, get into someone else's head, and trying to do so is a recipe for a lot of pain and desperation. We project what we think and feel onto the other person. That's why we can't tell where we end from where he starts.

    He's a guy, but he's also a person, like you, like us. He, too, gets confused, especially about his feelings. He's as selfish as you are, as I am, as everyone is. People look after themselves; it's human nature. A part of him might want to be with you, but for now a bigger part wants to be without you. He has his reasons, just like you would if it were you breaking up the relationship against his wishes. Wouldn't it be best for both of you if you could have a totally honest conversation? Sure, but unfortunately that's not always possible. When something doesn't make sense, 99% of the time is because we don't have all the information regarding the situation. I feel that's the case here. He's not telling you the whole story. Fine, that's his right just like it would be yours. You don't have to like it; you can be angry. That's your right. The question is not what is he thinking, what is he doing, what will he do, but rather, what are you thinking, what are you doing, what will you do. My advice to you is to try your best to shift your focus away from his head (and his wants and needs) and toward you--your head, your wants, your needs, your individuality, your life.

    Oh, gosh, that was so long. I hope you don't mind. I just wish I could help you because I know how painful this is. I've been there so many times, and it can be terrifying, especially when you've been with someone for years. It's a cliche, but it's true--one day at a time. That's how we feel and get better. And you will get better.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #48
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    ^^^ I love how you explained all of that and ITA!

  4. #49
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    yea gizmo... you explained it pretty well...

    I'm with you Marissa it's all so confusing, my ex was like that as well, and it took a while before I got over it. He went on a holiday for 2 months to the U.S. and then when he got back I thought we were okay, and then he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and then I asked him, "do you still love me? I'm guessing you don't?" and he said, "I guess... IDK, I don't love you anymore." That shattered me for awhile, but I managed to recover after a few months. I met my husband now about 6 months after, and we were so in love, not even a year in the relationship, we got married, and then now, 2 years after we're still so in love with each other...

    so Marissa, something better will come along, and I know that whatever we tell you you're just going to keep on hurting, it's going to go away we promise. For the mean time don't talk to him...It'll make it harder

  5. #50
    Official Bagista gizmo's Avatar
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    Cool Re: How to get over breakups?

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    yea gizmo... you explained it pretty well...

    I'm with you Marissa it's all so confusing, my ex was like that as well, and it took a while before I got over it. He went on a holiday for 2 months to the U.S. and then when he got back I thought we were okay, and then he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and then I asked him, "do you still love me? I'm guessing you don't?" and he said, "I guess... IDK, I don't love you anymore." That shattered me for awhile, but I managed to recover after a few months. I met my husband now about 6 months after, and we were so in love, not even a year in the relationship, we got married, and then now, 2 years after we're still so in love with each other...

    so Marissa, something better will come along, and I know that whatever we tell you you're just going to keep on hurting, it's going to go away we promise. For the mean time don't talk to him...It'll make it harder
    I'm so happy for you that you found a better match! And so soon. You're very fortunate, though you must've been doing something right, too. :wiggle:
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #51
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    Quote Originally Posted by gizmo View Post
    I'm so happy for you that you found a better match! And so soon. You're very fortunate, though you must've been doing something right, too. :wiggle:
    that's what I thought too.. that I must've been doing right to deserve him. He's very good to me and I could never have asked for a better partner... we talk like 5 times on the phone when he's at work and still chat away when he gets home, and after 2 years of being married, I still get so excited when I know he's coming home from work soon I never thought I was going to get married at 22... my husband then was 29, so he was marrying age I would say...

    so Marissa, God has a better plan for you... everything happens for a reason...

  7. #52
    Official Bagista daniC23's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marissa806 View Post
    We talked yesterday... and he is like.. "I'm a coach now.. I don't want to be in practice or a game thinking I have to call Marissa. Or I gotta stop by and see Marissa."

    .

    OMG that's the same lines I heard as a snippet of an explanation for my break-up. Only it pertained to focusing on golf. He said "I can't be laying there at night wondering, what's Danielle doing and worry about having to call.". Mind you at the time it was long distance, him in FL me in MD. SO ANNOYING!

    Then I got the whole, "this is hard for me too" I hate that, its like wtf why break up them! Men suck, lol.

    Hang in there girl. You know you're beautiful and deserve the world! I know how bad it sucks right now, try to eat, french fries were about all I ate, haha, and take time to pamper yourself, go to a spa, and then some retail therapy <3

  8. #53
    *The TBF Elite* Marissa806's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    Thanks Danielle... thanks to everyone. Today has been the first day of.... NO TEARS!!! Not ones did I break. When I get sad.. I just try to remember how selfish and mean he was to do this. He did it in such a MEAN manner.. and his reasoning was completely selfish. I'm a singer... and never once did I give up on our love. He gets a little tiny job.. and gives up. I travel to NY... NEVER gave up. I'm feeling better!!

    He IMed me last night and goes "What's up Marissa".. he always use to say "babe".. I go... "Nothing.. GTG.. Byes!".. and blocked him. Might sound immature but I didn't want to break down crying.. and I just did not want to talk to him.

    I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! You all helped me so much!!!!

  9. #54
    ♥'s RM Jess's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    I'm glad you're feeling better!! KEEP IT UP!

    I hate how guys think that after a break-up...everything is fine and you can talk right away. UM, NO! It will take a while to heal...

  10. #55
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marissa806 View Post
    Thanks Danielle... thanks to everyone. Today has been the first day of.... NO TEARS!!! Not ones did I break. When I get sad.. I just try to remember how selfish and mean he was to do this. He did it in such a MEAN manner.. and his reasoning was completely selfish. I'm a singer... and never once did I give up on our love. He gets a little tiny job.. and gives up. I travel to NY... NEVER gave up. I'm feeling better!!

    He IMed me last night and goes "What's up Marissa".. he always use to say "babe".. I go... "Nothing.. GTG.. Byes!".. and blocked him. Might sound immature but I didn't want to break down crying.. and I just did not want to talk to him.

    I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! You all helped me so much!!!!
    good for you hon... keep it up and we'll just be here for you, okay? Stay strong and beautiful!!!

  11. #56
    Official Bagista gizmo's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: How to get over breakups?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marissa806 View Post
    Thanks Danielle... thanks to everyone. Today has been the first day of.... NO TEARS!!! Not ones did I break. When I get sad.. I just try to remember how selfish and mean he was to do this. He did it in such a MEAN manner.. and his reasoning was completely selfish. I'm a singer... and never once did I give up on our love. He gets a little tiny job.. and gives up. I travel to NY... NEVER gave up. I'm feeling better!!

    He IMed me last night and goes "What's up Marissa".. he always use to say "babe".. I go... "Nothing.. GTG.. Byes!".. and blocked him. Might sound immature but I didn't want to break down crying.. and I just did not want to talk to him.

    I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! You all helped me so much!!!!
    You're looking after yourself and putting yourself FIRST, before him! Good!!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  12. #57
    Rising Bag Star chicken956's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    I'm so sorry that this happened to you Marissa, but it looks like you're already doing really good! It was super smart to respond the way you did to his IM. Now, he'll really see what it's like to not have you in his life because you're not giving him that satisfaction!! I admire your strength

  13. #58
    Rising Bag Star mist's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    never go to the places that you and your ex go...If possible move to another place. Keep your self busy..watch comedy movies and change you cellphone number.

  14. #59
    Official Bagista gizmo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over breakups?

    Great advice mist! I have used the comedy movies before and it works. I'd go out and rent the type of comedy movies that I like, as well as every season I could get of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and watch something every day. If you like crazy humor, "South Park" and "Robot Chicken" (Cartoon Channel and DVDs) are insane.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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