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  1. #1
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Hi my loveys and Guy...

    I'm going to take a leave of absence of tBF for IDK maybe a couple of days or weeks... I'm just really depressed right now and I think I reached my lowest point... I think I have to take time to just look at myself and retreat from everything that I've been doing...

    My DH went on a gambling spree again and lost about 2k all up in about 2 weeks... This has put us in huge financial stress... IDK why he can't seem to give it up, I understand he wants to get some more money for us, but it only gets worse every time, and he gets really down, and me all the more, seeing him sad, I can't get mad at him even if I get hurt and feel disrespected for not being asked for sme of the decisions he's made.

    Sometimes it scares me... IDK what I can do when it all adds up and I just explode... Ya know.

    So, why am I taking a leave of absence in tBF you ask? Because everytime I log on here, all the new bags and DBF's and DH's buying their partners new bags gets me down even lower... It sort of making me resent my DH for gambling the money instead of coming home and surprising me with something nice... I feel bad thinking this way but I can't help it.

    Don't get me wrong tBF still gets me looking forward to my break of the day but sometimes my depression gets to me because I hate being broke and I end up blaming my DH deep inside for it. SO yea...

    I have to fix myself up first, do some more thinking and come back to you's (my ladies and Guy) all happy....

    Hope you understand and be there when I come back...:erm:
    Don't ever forget that I love you all.

  2. #2
    Eclectic Bag Lover Le Marais Addict's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    I'm so sad to hear this JHM but I understand your need to take some time for yourself, etc. Not sure if you are open or have tried couples counseling or other type of counseling to put all the underlying issues out in the open. Sometimes an objective person can really help. We'll welcome you back with open arms whenever you feel like TBFing again. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
    Hopelessly handbag addicted !

  3. #3
    ♥ Moderator ♥ Zombiegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Good Luck JHM!
    W I S H ♥ L I S T
    Loving my collection!

  4. #4
    I am now LVholicmum juicyholicmum's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Quote Originally Posted by Le Marais Addict View Post
    I'm so sad to hear this JHM but I understand your need to take some time for yourself, etc. Not sure if you are open or have tried couples counseling or other type of counseling to put all the underlying issues out in the open. Sometimes an objective person can really help. We'll welcome you back with open arms whenever you feel like TBFing again. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
    Thanks LMA, that's really sweet of you...

    We don't really have any problems as a couple, its just the gambling. And before we got married we said we'll never fight about money, so we don't. But I don't really get to tell him how I feel about it. I'm the type of person that doesn't get mad... hence, people sort of abuse that I'm calm and always nice.

  5. #5
    Eclectic Bag Lover Le Marais Addict's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Quote Originally Posted by juicyholicmum View Post
    Thanks LMA, that's really sweet of you...

    We don't really have any problems as a couple, its just the gambling. And before we got married we said we'll never fight about money, so we don't. But I don't really get to tell him how I feel about it. I'm the type of person that doesn't get mad... hence, people sort of abuse that I'm calm and always nice.
    That's a good promise to keep- to disagree without fighting. I really think talking about the issue(s) is really important but only you know the best way to go about it with him.
    Hopelessly handbag addicted !

  6. #6
    Epi Enthusiast speedydelivery's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Aww ((((JHM)))) I hope things improve for you, it's not good for you to feel sad. Do you think you might want to just hang out in the Life & general chat area rather than quit cold turkey?

    I'm not buying any bags this year myself so I relate, but I'm just enjoying the ones I have, there will be plenty of bags available when we're both ready to buy again.

  7. #7
    The Bag Star M_Butterfly's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Hopefully things get better. Please take care of yourself first. This is my best advise. You can't help others if you are not in good shape. Hopefully I am not stepping over and saying too much but I do understand!!

  8. #8
    *Moderator* vuittongirlxoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    You need to do what's best for you, JHM. Good luck! We will all be here when you get back!

    wishlist..
    .sofia coppola monogram
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  9. #9
    Moderator and Blogger boysRsmelly's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    I agree with LMA, perhaps the best thing would be to seek counseling. It is wonderful that you and your husband made a commitment to never fight over money. But if he is doing reckless things with your finances and you have no way of voicing your opinion, then the situation becomes unhealthy. If you had an objective person to listen to both sides of the relationship, then you might be able to make some progress in the right direction without the risk of a huge blow up fight. I hope you can get things worked out! Just remember that you're always welcome here at TBF.

  10. #10
    Official Bagista tacuddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Good luck JHM. I too took some time away from here to get my head together. DH and I were going through some things and I just needed a break from everything. We seem to have gotten everything under control now, at least for the moment. Take all the time you need and I'm sure you guys can work everything out.

  11. #11
    Vintage Lover lilstrlett's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Aw juicy, just know that we all love you, and you're such an amazing part of his forum.

    I don't think you should let what other people get, or buy, or talk about here get you down though. Don't think that because your husband isn't bringing you things home, or buying you stuff mean that you're not loved. Everyone here is different, and that's why we like each other!

    Good luck with everything, and I'll be thinking about you!
    Mrs. Lawson
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  12. #12
    Official Bagista Sammy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    I'm so sorry to hear this JHM.

    I understand what you mean about becoming a little sad when you see everyone buying new bags or being gifted the bags and you are unable to do that yourself. Sometimes I get a little jealous of all the gorgeous things others are able to buy and I am not. But, I have to remind myself that I love what I own and to "want what you got".

    I am going to echo the counseling others have suggested. Even if you just go by yourself, talking to a neutral third party can REALLY help. The counselor will help you see things in a different way and help you voice your concerns without starting a fight. I do hope everything sorts itself out with your husband and his gambling. We'll miss you here!

  13. #13
    Rising Bag Star NUrseluvsLOUIE's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    ~Awww JHM...I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. He needs help JHM. Hang in there, we're here for you. I'll miss you (((hugs))). ~



  14. #14
    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Juicy,
    The two of you really need counseling. The fact that he is making the money decisions, without your consent, is unacceptable. I don't care who actually goes out and earns it. As a married couple, you should both be making these choices. Remember, your marriage is a two way street, you are both part. How would he feel if you went out and blew 2k on bags? I think it is admirable that you and he made a pact that you wouldn't argue over finances. But it seems as though he is the only one benefiting from this. He can blow as much as he wants and then you can't say anything about it? And to top it off, you feel bad that he feels bad??? There is something seriously wrong with this picture. You are enabling him. Just like a spouse does an alcoholic or a drug user. By not standing up and saying something, you are telling him that this behavior is acceptable. And it's not. Do you want your children growing up with this? I grew up in an alcoholic family - walking on egg shells because we didn't want to upset "daddy", upset the norm. It's not a good way to live.

    My husband and I discuss every large purchase. This is just a given. Sure I get annoyed some times because he says we can't afford something. But the point is that it is talked about. He would never go behind my back and just spend money. And vice versa.

    Anyway, just my two cents, as usual, but I really think you need to change your circumstances. You were talking about his gambling a year ago and how much it bothered you and how much he was blowing.
    Thinking of...
    Chanel Black Jumbo
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    In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity."
    ~Einstein~

  15. #15
    The Asian Sensation
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    Default Re: I'm taking a leave of absence of tBF...

    Im really,REALLy sorry to hear about the situation JHM. I can kinda relate to what you guys are going (minus the kid and being married) through. Gambling is a serious problem that runs in my family (with my dad specifically).

    I realized that I have a gambling problem after many years of denial. AFter my big lost the last time, I decided to try my best to stop. I had many nights that I felt depressed about the monies Ive lost. I also realized that If I continued.....My life would more than likely to be in ruins and I would have no future. AFter some thinking I promised myself that I would try to stop gambling for awhile. It's REAAAALLY tough and I would be lieing If I were to say that I dont think about it from time to time. ACtually, I think about gambling all the time. Im just taking one day at a time. Each day that I dont gamble is an accomplishment.

    I appluad that you guys decide to not fight over money. But, this is ridicules. You need to put your foot down and give him some kind of ultimatum. Make him realize that this is affecting your lives and sooner or later it may just ruin it. Get the casino to ban him you have to.

    I really hate to see you go through something like this JHM. If there's anything you need at all (I do mean anything)...just let me know. Ill always be here for you. *HUGZ*
    Last edited by THE-GUY; March 13th, 2009 at 09:09 AM.

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