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Thread: Teenagers

  1. #1
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    Default Teenagers

    OMG my stepkid is 17 and they are driving me CrAzY with their attitude. Kid just got a brand new Samsung eternity for xmas...cost over $400 after we got the data cable, memory card, and case. We have texting/internet turned off on the phone due to past problems with the bill due to the kid getting online on the phone. (Very expensive if you don't have a data plan)

    We use bare minimum, and for the most part our bill is very inexpensive. Well, it's not enough. Wants texting now...which is fine but they have to pay for it. We told the kid if they got a job, and showed that they could be responsible they could have it. Well, kid has some money from Christmas and wants to use that to pay for texting. THe whole premise of our rule was to teach responsibility. Sooo..we stayed firm...until there is a job that is kept for at minimum 8 weeks, with all the fees up front, kid cannot have texting.

    So the kid turns to my husband and says "you spent $1,400 on her for Christmas, and all I got was about $600 of stuff so the least you can do is turn on texting for me" .... my hubby was mad. I told him if he gives in to the kid I will be mad. I don't like this attitude. The kid already hid my LV marilyn from me before and so now I keep my bags in a closet under lock and key. Shouldnt the kid be greatful for what they got??

    For you older members with kids this age or that have been this age...how did you make it through?

  2. #2
    ♥'s RM Jess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    All that over getting texting for "the kid"? Wow.

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    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Maybe you could get him a cell phone that he has to pay for (in advance) that has texting? So basically he pays the company and not you or Dh.
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    I think your step son's attitude is stemming from some deeper issues here. Maybe you should try getting to the root of the problem first. Feelings like the ones he is having aren't unusual for a kid with divorced parents. I know nothing about child psychology or parenting for that matter, but something just doesn't sound right. Just remember that he IS a teenager though and they all go through that "ungrateful attitude" phase to some degree or another. Just ask my mom about how awful I was at 17!

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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Sounds like your stepkid is being spoiled. Honestly. If I had ever counted up the amount my parents spent on me during the holidays ... I wouldn't have gotten a cent for the next two years. My parents were kind of harsh but look at me now (self-sufficent, going to law school, and acquiring my real estates license, etc.).

    Yeah, it totally sounds normal for your son to be like that ... but I would restrict some things given to him, or make him earn it (like you're doing). Don't listen to him when your son says look what your DH gave you. Your DH could buy you a new car for all that matters and give your son a cell without texting, it wouldn't make a difference. You're in a relationship with this man and that's your business what you give each other, not your son's.
    If love is the answer, what is the question?

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    Default Re: Teenagers

    I agree with Maevey and bRs. Seems like his issues are deeper than you know. Maybe you could let him get a pre-paid plan with a company like t-mobile? They have pay as you go with texting.
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    We have a family plan and his phone number is under contract since we just added it last year, so the option of getting him a pay-as-you-go phone is out. We DID buy him the phone and the service, and he's got one of the best phones...nicer than ours so I don't see what his problem is. He just got online on his old phone and it cost us $60 in one month!!! That's all. If you tell them "stay offline" they just do it more...so the only option was to disable the data package, which disabled texting as well. It's all or nothing. Soooo....our rule was that they have to pay for the unlimited data plan themselves if they want it turned back on... harsh, maybe but I don't see spending $70 a month on a kids cell phone...($10 for the line and $60 for misc charges). If anyone has unlimited data, it should be either my husband or I if we choose to pay for it, since we are the ones who earn the money.

    I don't get the big deal with kids and their cell phones. I just get the free phones when my two years is up and I still like my phone ... I don't see why you would spend $300-$400 on something unless you used it for work or were traveling a lot and needed mobile internet access. Oh well.

    Maybe it is something deeper, but in one year they will be grown and if they don't like the way things are they can find their own way. I will be proud if they turn out half as good as warhols_muse...I really don't see it at this point though. I guess all you can do is try. I jsut don't like that the kid brought up what was spent on me vs. him...that's unacceptable and inappropriate.

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    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Nash,
    He does sound like he has underlying issues. With the attitude he showed, I would have taken the phone away and told him that he could buy his own. I also would have grounded him for his mouth. The fact that he says these things and does these things makes me think that Dh isn't really stepping up to the plate like he should be and laying the ground rules. I couldn't imagine my step brother ever saying something like that to my mom.
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    He should get a job and pay for it, I had one within two weeks of turning 16. I bought my first car (it was my moms but we did KBB on it and I paid it), I paid my insurance, cellphone bill and bought my clothes and nessecities.
    That is VERY rude to bring up the money spent, he should deff. be happy he got something that was that expensive anyways. There is a point when kids need to learn responsibility. My son is 3 and already saves money to buy himself toys lol (he finds change that we leave laying around and puts it in his little blue piggy bank-then says I save and buy car or truck) lol
    WiShLiSt

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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Quote Originally Posted by Maeveyblue View Post
    Nash,
    He does sound like he has underlying issues. With the attitude he showed, I would have taken the phone away and told him that he could buy his own. I also would have grounded him for his mouth. The fact that he says these things and does these things makes me think that Dh isn't really stepping up to the plate like he should be and laying the ground rules. I couldn't imagine my step brother ever saying something like that to my mom.
    Taking the phone away and grounding him punishes us as much as it does him LOL then he's right on top of us all the time pouting. We have a small apt for now. I think he's just mad at life (we all go through it)...we moved about two years ago, and now we are going to move again (to buy a house) and he will have to do his senior year at a new school...his mom tries to contact him all the time and we don't step in and intercept anymore and he gets mad we won't tell her he doesn't want to talk (that's his mom and his relationship and up to him - he's almost grown. If he wants to talk to her that's why he has a cell. If he wants to see her, we will take him half way. It's not our responsibility to tell the mom he doesn't want to talk...) He can't have a car until he is 18 (less than a year away - by the time he saves up for insurance and a good car, then it will be time) and has to pay for college ... I guess we all have a funk about 16-17 years old. I didn't but I grew up in a stable home and both my parents and they had a lot more resources than we do now. I also think my dh gives me a lot more attention than he does the kids. But, that's his decision... Oh well. I thought I wanted to have a kid but I am changing my mind.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Was he ever close with his mom, this was probably a way of acting out. I really hope everything works out.

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    *The TBF Elite* Maeveyblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Quote Originally Posted by NashvilleDiva_83 View Post
    Taking the phone away and grounding him punishes us as much as it does him LOL then he's right on top of us all the time pouting. We have a small apt for now. I think he's just mad at life (we all go through it)...we moved about two years ago, and now we are going to move again (to buy a house) and he will have to do his senior year at a new school...his mom tries to contact him all the time and we don't step in and intercept anymore and he gets mad we won't tell her he doesn't want to talk (that's his mom and his relationship and up to him - he's almost grown. If he wants to talk to her that's why he has a cell. If he wants to see her, we will take him half way. It's not our responsibility to tell the mom he doesn't want to talk...) He can't have a car until he is 18 (less than a year away - by the time he saves up for insurance and a good car, then it will be time) and has to pay for college ... I guess we all have a funk about 16-17 years old. I didn't but I grew up in a stable home and both my parents and they had a lot more resources than we do now. I also think my dh gives me a lot more attention than he does the kids. But, that's his decision... Oh well. I thought I wanted to have a kid but I am changing my mind.
    I hate to break it to you, but with a teenager living in your home, under your roof, following your rules, being fed and clothed by you... you do have a child. He's just a grumpy, lost 17 year old. This is just my opinion, but from watching the dynamics between my mom and my step siblings, there is a lot of hurt and uncertainty there. No matter how hard my mom tries to be a good mom to them, they feel guilt after they have shown love towards her. They aren't mean and nasty to her, but after my sister tells my mom she loves her, there are times she'll get really quiet and defense about nothing. And it's so sad because their bio mom sucks. She's an alcoholic, she is never home, never does things with them. But still, she's their mom. So looking at your step son, he probably is going through abandonment issues, no matter how wonderful you are to him, because everyone wants their mom to love them, to want them. And as step mom, even though he may love you and count on you, there is always that biological pull.


    And as for the grounding part, yes, it punishes you too. But he needs to have boundaries and know that this behavior is unacceptable. So just send him to his room and tell him he is not allowed out in the house to mope around.
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Quote Originally Posted by Maeveyblue View Post
    I hate to break it to you, but with a teenager living in your home, under your roof, following your rules, being fed and clothed by you... you do have a child. He's just a grumpy, lost 17 year old. This is just my opinion, but from watching the dynamics between my mom and my step siblings, there is a lot of hurt and uncertainty there. No matter how hard my mom tries to be a good mom to them, they feel guilt after they have shown love towards her. They aren't mean and nasty to her, but after my sister tells my mom she loves her, there are times she'll get really quiet and defense about nothing. And it's so sad because their bio mom sucks. She's an alcoholic, she is never home, never does things with them. But still, she's their mom. So looking at your step son, he probably is going through abandonment issues, no matter how wonderful you are to him, because everyone wants their mom to love them, to want them. And as step mom, even though he may love you and count on you, there is always that biological pull.


    And as for the grounding part, yes, it punishes you too. But he needs to have boundaries and know that this behavior is unacceptable. So just send him to his room and tell him he is not allowed out in the house to mope around.

    He doesn't want anything to do with his mom. She dropped him off on our doorstep when he was 13 and he didn't hear from her until recently...it's up to him I would understand if he wanted to see/talk to her but he doesnt. Oh well...he shouldnt take it out on us though.
    I think my husband takes a passive approach to parenting. I think he assumes since the kid is almost grown, why be strict now. So much of adolesence was spent with little or no discipline due to the court system etc (he and his ex wife were back and forth since the kid was about 8 - way before I was in the picture) ...

    I mean by having a kid like giving birth to one and raising it for 18 years. Not inheriting one from a toxic relationship...having one of my own because it will be different. No matter what they say, I think you will always love your bio kids more than others. I think that's natural.

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    Default Re: Teenagers

    It is natural to love your biological child more, I love mine more than my step-son but not by much. I have a different love for them each, for my bio son it's the maternal love that just never stops and for my step-son its an special love, I will always love him no matter what but its a little different. I still love him with the same even though right now his mother is coaching him to lie to the court sytem so that she will have sole custody over him. The love never goes away and if you cannot have a strong bond with a step-child then there should be no reason to enter a relationship with someone that has a child. That's just my 2 cents
    WiShLiSt

  15. #15
    The Asian Sensation
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    Default Re: Teenagers

    Wow, And here I thought I was spoiled when I was a kid.

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