Thread: Been kinda depressed lately...

Sorry... I just needed to talk to someone. I've been so depressed lately, I don't know what is wrong with me. The world is such a crappy place sometimes, you know?

Not much really, just went to work and for some reason just didn't want to be there. ::shrugs::
I also realized that I have no emotional attachment to my grandma. Well, I guess I knew that already... but now I just feel bad about it. She hasn't been well lately and my parents have given me crap for not really going and visiting her. But I really don't feel anything towards her... she disowned my brother and I as her grandchildren since we were little kids. It wasn't until recently (when my dad's step-dad died) did she sorta reach out to us. And this was just because her step-children really didn't want her around anymore... so we all felt like we were just second choice. I'm sorry if this sounds weird... but the whole story is so ridiculously crazy that it would take forever to tell you the whole thing.
Let's see... that and I'm not really going anywhere with anything in my life. I'm in debt way over my head and so is my husband. And stupid me wants to go back to school again. :rolleyes: How am I supposed to afford that? Even with a grant I'd still have to work full time to pay the bills. It's really depressing.

I just feel weird... like I want to cry all the time and I don't want to go to work. Actually... the thought of going to work tomorrow just makes me sick!
There's just all this stuff bouncing around in my head... I'm constantly thinking!

I've told my husband... but he's already used to it so he pretty much brushes me off. I'm sure I'll be fine... I go through a depression cycle every few years. I haven't felt like this since I was in high school though... that was over 7 years ago.
I think a lot of my problem is that I fell like I'm trapped at the moment. This never ending debt hanging over both of our heads. The only way I see out is if I go back to school and finish... but I would have 2 years left to go and that's if I went full time. I have no choice but to work though... otherwise the bills wouldn't get paid. So I guess if I went back, I'd have to go part time and then try to figure out a work schedule.
This is probably to root of my problem... then I just think about all this other stuff on top of that all the time. There's all kinds of weird things going on with my family right now... well, I guess that's pretty normal. I just can't seem to handle it right now. My mom just drives me crazy with all of her own insecurities... it's like she wears me down every time I talk to her because all she does is freak out about something in her life. Ugh! That and I constantly think about the world and how crappy it is... how I should be doing something about it... you know, a purpose. But I can't do that if I'm stuck in this rut that I'm in... oh well. So many worries and not enough room for them all.

I feel a little better today. I got someone to work for me on Saturday... so I'm kinda happy about that. I could use the money, but I need some time to myself!

LOL! I think I might be regretting tomorrow here pretty soon! LOL! I've forgotten how annoying my husband is when he's home!

I get the feeling that you are overwelmed??? Try seeking therapy and maybe you need antidepressants...I've been dosed with anxiety and panic disorder...and my meds help me so much...it's amazing...school isn't gonna run away...you can always do school...but debt might me more important to take care of...instead of school right now or you will always have that hanging over your head...plus a school loan will just add debt....how bout a second job??? or even a change of job if you are unhappy with yours now.

As for your family...I understand why you would feel that way about your grandmother...I'm sure you don't wish her harm...but you don't have an emotional connection with her...for substantial reasons...which is totally understandable...think about it long and hard...write down a list of pros and cons to decide if you wanna make a connection with her...try to be forgiving...not because she is in bad health...but because you are a better person...and she can realize that she was terrible...but you don't have to be the same as her...I understand resentment...and if you're just not feeling connected...don't force yourself...you can't make other people happy...unless your happy yourself.

Time to focus on yourself...it'll make you feel better if your are comfortable in your own life...and happiness is all you can aim for...you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Originally Posted by misschaslyn

I get the feeling that you are overwelmed??? Try seeking therapy and maybe you need antidepressants...I've been dosed with anxiety and panic disorder...and my meds help me so much...it's amazing...school isn't gonna run away...you can always do school...but debt might me more important to take care of...instead of school right now or you will always have that hanging over your head...plus a school loan will just add debt....how bout a second job??? or even a change of job if you are unhappy with yours now.

As for your family...I understand why you would feel that way about your grandmother...I'm sure you don't wish her harm...but you don't have an emotional connection with her...for substantial reasons...which is totally understandable...think about it long and hard...write down a list of pros and cons to decide if you wanna make a connection with her...try to be forgiving...not because she is in bad health...but because you are a better person...and she can realize that she was terrible...but you don't have to be the same as her...I understand resentment...and if you're just not feeling connected...don't force yourself...you can't make other people happy...unless your happy yourself.

Time to focus on yourself...it'll make you feel better if your are comfortable in your own life...and happiness is all you can aim for...you never know what tomorrow will bring.

You're so sweet! Thank you for saying that... it makes me feel better.

As for antidepressants... I was on those a long time ago. I hated them cause they made me feel weird.
The reason I want to go back to school again is so I CAN get a different job. I understand what you're saying though... I am overwhelmed. But I can't seem to find a better job without a stupid "piece of paper". I have applied for countless jobs in the past and they all say I'm not qualified... and these are jobs that you wouldn't think you'd need a college degree for. Oh well...
Anyways, I actually qualify for a grant now so I don't think I'll be needing a ton of loans to pay for school. I have to be accepted somewhere first though to see how much aid I can get. I'm waiting on a college right now to get my transcript from the other college I attended. I don't want to wait too long to go back because my credits may not be good forever. Ya know?