purse-aholic*

hey everyone,

i need your advice about what my bf thinks about my weight. ever sice we have been together (almost nine months) my bf has wanted me to get in shape and have a body like carmen electra. im not fat or anything, but i need to lose a few pounds to get back to where i was before so i am happy with myself. my bf has somewhat of a gut and isn't even in the best of shape. the other day he pushed me to go on the treadmill and i did, and he never went on - we both agreed to get in shape and exercise. instead, he just played his xbox game and he kept saying he was going to go on and didnt.
when we watch tv, he always likes to watch shows with girls who have nice bodies and i feel like im not good enough or something...is that just what guys do? i get mad when he watches these shows and when he makes comments about the girls on tv, but i try not to anymore. one night we got into a huge fight and he grabbed my stomach and said 'do you think im attracted to all of this fat?", even though my stomach isnt bad. but we were really mad at each other and he did apologize. maybe i should setup a myspace account to see if he will take the bait. but he does say that he loves me the way i am...right now anyways. he says he wants a trim wife and he probably wouldn't marry me like this. i dont know, maybe i am being too sensitive or something. i think everyone has a down point with their weight in their lifetime, and mine is right now. i mean i use to be soooo gorgeous but now i have gained weight and i feel like crap. but i am trying to lose weight though.